Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
