Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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