That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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