Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
