I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
