I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
