U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
