Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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