i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A+ Viking dick
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize