Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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