Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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