i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
