Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
