I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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