this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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