I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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