I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
