worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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