...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no you cant smoke seaweed
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
