ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
