i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
