is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ttyl tear gas
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
