That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
