I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
