don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
