I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
