you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
