How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
