"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
