Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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