So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
