Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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