Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
