She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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