im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
