it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
