I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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