there was a trapeze. enough said
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
