If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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