I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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