I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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