We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
