he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
