he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize