The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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