I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
