I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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