OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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