I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
