My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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