M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
