You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
did i walk over a car last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
