I'm really into asian looking animals
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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