Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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