Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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