Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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