if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
