my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
