I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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