problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
