I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
