You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize