can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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